I just got a call a few minutes before midnight Monday July 27th.....
wow....
This really hurts....
I HATE CANCER!!!!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Dad update 7-27-09
My mom called everyone yesterday to give us an update on dad. Looks like he could go any day now. Friday was the last day he drank anything. My mom has been trying every day, several times a day to get him to drink anything - even just water. He spends his days now with his eyes closed most of the time.
When we left to return home on the 21st he was already looking like he was ready to go. He slept a LOT and is getting quite stiff. It's hard to turn his head to look at anything. He seems to have turned his head to face the window and likes it that way.
My husband and I are putting together a video about dad. It will play during the viewing in an area that people can mingle and see it. Mom is sending up several items for me to scan to add to the video. My dad has lived an amazing life. He's been to a lot of places and "worn several hats" in his lifetime.
Dad has beem:
-in the army
-in the air force
-served in Japan and France
-a farmer/rancher
-a truck driver for Swift
-a high school teacher
-a mechanic for Arizona state motorpool
-a rodeo bullrider
-a little league baseball coach
-a temple worker
-he built a water truck (used for construction)
-he could fix anything - it won't be pretty but it will work
There's more but those are the highlights. My dad has taught me a LOT. Main thing I've learned from him is how to fix just about anything. Nothing is impossible to figure out even if right now I don't know how to fix it.... I can learn.
My dad has not been a saint all his life.... He did have a fierce temper sometimes (where I got my fisety streak from). Thankfully he mellowed out over the years. Old age does have its good points. Dad was born a member of the LDS church then just quit going for a time. It was when he was still in the military that he thought "there must be something better than this". He pulled out his military issue Book of Mormon and started reading. It didn't take long before he became active again. I'm grateful he did.
I'm sure I will learn a lot more about dad in the next few weeks. I'll post anything interesting when I can. Posting here is very helpful. I can get stuff out of my system without having to worry about my voice cracking or tears starting to flow. I know dad passing will be mercy for him... it's just hard to lose a loved one no matter how sick they are at the moment.
When we left to return home on the 21st he was already looking like he was ready to go. He slept a LOT and is getting quite stiff. It's hard to turn his head to look at anything. He seems to have turned his head to face the window and likes it that way.
My husband and I are putting together a video about dad. It will play during the viewing in an area that people can mingle and see it. Mom is sending up several items for me to scan to add to the video. My dad has lived an amazing life. He's been to a lot of places and "worn several hats" in his lifetime.
Dad has beem:
-in the army
-in the air force
-served in Japan and France
-a farmer/rancher
-a truck driver for Swift
-a high school teacher
-a mechanic for Arizona state motorpool
-a rodeo bullrider
-a little league baseball coach
-a temple worker
-he built a water truck (used for construction)
-he could fix anything - it won't be pretty but it will work
There's more but those are the highlights. My dad has taught me a LOT. Main thing I've learned from him is how to fix just about anything. Nothing is impossible to figure out even if right now I don't know how to fix it.... I can learn.
My dad has not been a saint all his life.... He did have a fierce temper sometimes (where I got my fisety streak from). Thankfully he mellowed out over the years. Old age does have its good points. Dad was born a member of the LDS church then just quit going for a time. It was when he was still in the military that he thought "there must be something better than this". He pulled out his military issue Book of Mormon and started reading. It didn't take long before he became active again. I'm grateful he did.
I'm sure I will learn a lot more about dad in the next few weeks. I'll post anything interesting when I can. Posting here is very helpful. I can get stuff out of my system without having to worry about my voice cracking or tears starting to flow. I know dad passing will be mercy for him... it's just hard to lose a loved one no matter how sick they are at the moment.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
visiting dad
Wow! I was totally not prepared to see my dad. I have talked to him on the phone and knew he was not "his old self". I knew he hasn't been eating much (cancer does that) .... but WOW! I just saw him in Feb. He looks sooooo different. Basically skin and bones. I think he's about 6'3" and use to weigh about 260lbs. We all guess he's about 180 now - maybe less. He still has strength in his arms to help us lift him and scooch him up in the bed. He is completely bed bound now. Fighting some evil looking bed sores. The good thing is he doesn't feel any pain when he's just laying there.
My brother said dad took a huge downturn about 2 weeks ago. He's expecting dad to not make it past this month. I'm thinking he'll make it into next month. Either way you look at it.. not much longer now.
We've all come to terms with losing dad. It will still be sad when he does go but I think we've all greived in our own ways at just the thought of dad not being here any more.
I got to say "I love you" to him last night. He held up his hand and I held his. He gave my hand a pretty good squeeze and said "I love you too". THAT is why I came. Dad has good days and bad days. He's "not home" most of the time. I found an open window in his constant fog and was able to say in person what I wanted him to hear. Then again... he's always known that I love him. After helping mom change his diaper this morning my kids all spontaneously gathered around him and said that they loved him. He was alert and able to respond. His smiles are worth a million bucks!
My husband should be joining us on Monday... just in time to help us drive back home on Tuesday. Our van is not behaving and I don't want to be stuck on some desert road by myself with 5 young children. He has been home and working this entire time. He flew back just a couple of hours after helping us drive here.
This is just a short update.. I gotta go now. I can hear dad coughing and I need to see if he needs anything. I hope you all are doing well.
My brother said dad took a huge downturn about 2 weeks ago. He's expecting dad to not make it past this month. I'm thinking he'll make it into next month. Either way you look at it.. not much longer now.
We've all come to terms with losing dad. It will still be sad when he does go but I think we've all greived in our own ways at just the thought of dad not being here any more.
I got to say "I love you" to him last night. He held up his hand and I held his. He gave my hand a pretty good squeeze and said "I love you too". THAT is why I came. Dad has good days and bad days. He's "not home" most of the time. I found an open window in his constant fog and was able to say in person what I wanted him to hear. Then again... he's always known that I love him. After helping mom change his diaper this morning my kids all spontaneously gathered around him and said that they loved him. He was alert and able to respond. His smiles are worth a million bucks!
My husband should be joining us on Monday... just in time to help us drive back home on Tuesday. Our van is not behaving and I don't want to be stuck on some desert road by myself with 5 young children. He has been home and working this entire time. He flew back just a couple of hours after helping us drive here.
This is just a short update.. I gotta go now. I can hear dad coughing and I need to see if he needs anything. I hope you all are doing well.
Friday, May 22, 2009
SHE'S HERE!!!
Ok... I don't have a nickname for our little bundle yet... so.. "Peanut" is here!!!
I have to laugh... The morning after my last post my contractions started (again)... well, you can see the results. LOL!!
THE STORY:
I went to my regular 37 week visit at my midwives office. I was contracting and feeling less chipper than my regular self. Did all the usual check-up stuff. When the midwife checked to see how dilated I was her face changed. Her eyes bugged out a bit and she said "Oh, BOY!! You're 7cm with a bulging bag". So off we went to the hospital (only a couple of minutes up the road from the office).
They were expecting me and rushed me to my L&D room. Got there around 11:45am. 30 min later I got my epidural (yay!!! I did not have one for the last 2 pregnancies and have some long term damage from things going so fast). I was hoping the epidural would slow down my labor (it did by about 30 minutes).
The midwife had 4 other ladies in labor at the time. It was a very busy day. Apparently the weather was playing into the day's events. It had been sunny and a BEAUTIFUL day until after Peanut was born. Within 20 min of her birth this is what it looked like outside:
The midwife came in a little before 1 and asked when I wanted her to break my water... I said.. whenever you have some time and want to deliver this babe (I don't stay pregnant for very long after my water breaks. With Tinkerbell - she was born about 30 min later).
That epidural was AMAZING!!!! I didn't feel much. I got to watch the monitor tell me I was having contractions. They started coming so fast one couldn't end completely before the next one would be going full force. Then her heart rate dropped to about 100BPM (should be in the 140's). They put an oxygen mask on me and turned me onto my right side. Well.... they did tell me that the epidural works by gravity... My right side went totally numb while my left side started to wake up. Then I started to FEEL the pain during transition. I rotated back to my back - slightly tipped to my left trying to convince the meds to move over (YES, I pushed the button for more drugs ha ha). It didn't have really a chance to do it's thing before the nurse came in to confirm that Peanut was "right there".
Wall buttons get pushed... midwife and nurses come rushing in. Everyone is moving in such a swift and smooth pattern it looked rehersed. For the first time ever (Peanut is my 5th child) I got to SEE one of my babies get born. I also was given the opportunity to help pull her out. WOW was NOT expecting that one.
I can honestly say that this was the easiest and literally most FUN birth I've ever experienced. I never knew that it could be so awesome... and controlled. I'm use to TONS of pain and my brain being Liquified GOO from all the chemicals and pain surging through my system. Rather than being in chaos I was in AWE.
Here's Peanut being held by daddy right after birth:
I got to enjoy some time with just the youngest 2 girls:
Here is the family... READY to visit the new baby:
Our Greeting when we got home:
I have to laugh... The morning after my last post my contractions started (again)... well, you can see the results. LOL!!
THE STORY:
I went to my regular 37 week visit at my midwives office. I was contracting and feeling less chipper than my regular self. Did all the usual check-up stuff. When the midwife checked to see how dilated I was her face changed. Her eyes bugged out a bit and she said "Oh, BOY!! You're 7cm with a bulging bag". So off we went to the hospital (only a couple of minutes up the road from the office).
They were expecting me and rushed me to my L&D room. Got there around 11:45am. 30 min later I got my epidural (yay!!! I did not have one for the last 2 pregnancies and have some long term damage from things going so fast). I was hoping the epidural would slow down my labor (it did by about 30 minutes).
The midwife had 4 other ladies in labor at the time. It was a very busy day. Apparently the weather was playing into the day's events. It had been sunny and a BEAUTIFUL day until after Peanut was born. Within 20 min of her birth this is what it looked like outside:
The midwife came in a little before 1 and asked when I wanted her to break my water... I said.. whenever you have some time and want to deliver this babe (I don't stay pregnant for very long after my water breaks. With Tinkerbell - she was born about 30 min later).
That epidural was AMAZING!!!! I didn't feel much. I got to watch the monitor tell me I was having contractions. They started coming so fast one couldn't end completely before the next one would be going full force. Then her heart rate dropped to about 100BPM (should be in the 140's). They put an oxygen mask on me and turned me onto my right side. Well.... they did tell me that the epidural works by gravity... My right side went totally numb while my left side started to wake up. Then I started to FEEL the pain during transition. I rotated back to my back - slightly tipped to my left trying to convince the meds to move over (YES, I pushed the button for more drugs ha ha). It didn't have really a chance to do it's thing before the nurse came in to confirm that Peanut was "right there".
Wall buttons get pushed... midwife and nurses come rushing in. Everyone is moving in such a swift and smooth pattern it looked rehersed. For the first time ever (Peanut is my 5th child) I got to SEE one of my babies get born. I also was given the opportunity to help pull her out. WOW was NOT expecting that one.
I can honestly say that this was the easiest and literally most FUN birth I've ever experienced. I never knew that it could be so awesome... and controlled. I'm use to TONS of pain and my brain being Liquified GOO from all the chemicals and pain surging through my system. Rather than being in chaos I was in AWE.
Here's Peanut being held by daddy right after birth:
I got to enjoy some time with just the youngest 2 girls:
Here is the family... READY to visit the new baby:
Our Greeting when we got home:
Monday, May 18, 2009
37 weeks 2 days - What's different this time?
I'm still PG. YAY and wierd. I've never gone a day over 37 weeks. For the first time I am actually worried about having a big baby. I was told that Tinkerbell would have been between 9 1/2 and 10lbs. if she had been born at 40 weeks. She was about 7 1/2 lbs at 37 weeks. Most babies are just a little over 6lbs. at 37 weeks.
So.... I got to thinking... what's different this time. Well.. biggest thing is we're in a different house. The old house made us sick. By the time we moved out I had daily problems: dizziness, muscle weakness, memory loss, all joints hurt, headaches, lack of oomph. Basically... I was falling into walls, I would be climbing up the stairs and my legs would give out and down I would fall, I had to write EVERYTHING down or I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do, I was popping pain meds like they were nothing, I just sat around and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It was VERY scary. I was wondering what was wrong with me.
Then we moved to the "new house". This house was infected with drugs and had to go through a HUGE and expensive process to be de-drugged before we could move in. We ran out of $ before we could get everything fixed / replaced. The process eats through metal so all metal items (hinges, door knobs, faucets, light fixtures etc..) need to be replaced. We got about 1/2 way. We're living with the yucky looking metal stuff where we couldn't afford to tare it out.
Anyway... within about 2 months of moving here I started to feel a little better. Less symptoms. It took about 9 months in total for me to be completely rid of all the bad symptoms and be "human" again. Hubby and his brother and brother's wife were over at the old house a few weeks ago. They ripped out the old furnace and air ducts as well as the old water heater (it leaked). The furnace was at least 18 years old and NEEDED to be replaced. They found about 1 1/2 - 2 inches of dust and junk in the air duct returns. They also found a mason jar with some green chrystals in it (mouse poison?). They also found a completely melted golf ball in a lower portion of the furnace (on the burners) - this section was sealed and we could not get to it until they were ripping it out. I had the air ducts "cleaned" out about a year after moving there. I felt like I got the flu and it never went away after moving in there. The "cleaning" made me feel a bit better but I never felt 100% better. We lived there a total of about 11 years.
When we first were in the old house we had to remove a few DeCon bait traps (green poison) from the air returns in the front room. We vacuumed out TONS of green mouse poos from the air ducts as well. LOTS of crayons etc... The house had been lived in for many years by some pretty big families despite it's small size. It was built in 1911 and has seen MANY people over the years.
So... we were breathing in the fumes from Mouse poos, DeCon, a melted golf ball, who knows what was in the mason jar, the enormous buildup of stuff in the ducts... on top of that was the carpet that WE put into the basement that laid directly under the leaky tub and absorbed all the dripping water from 11 years of baths/showers. It was nearly completely black with mold.
All of that I was exposed to while pregnant with all of our current 4 children. The twins were born premature at 29 weeks. Power Ranger was born premature at 35 weeks and also has a genetic disorder. Also, with him I was driving around a Jeep Cherokee that we "inherited" from hubby's brother who used drugs and allowed friends to do drugs in the vehicle with him. Despite all my cleaning when we first got it there was NO way to clean out the a/c system. Drugs like to stick to plastic (we found out a lot when getting this house de-drugged). Tinkerbell was the last born over there but we were using more (expensive to operate) space heaters and less of the house furnace. Hubby was "experimenting". Tinker was born "full term" the day I turned 37 weeks. She is the only child without any issues or problems right from the beginning. We were also no longer driving the Jeep when I got PG with her.
Needless to day... the old house is being made "better" so no one else has to live the lives we did. We're going forward as we can afford to. Trying to sell it but make sure it's healthy when it is sold.
So what's different and "allowing" me to go well into full term status with this pregnancy? Well... EVERYTHING!!! Granted I do have more stress this time with finances and my dad's cancer and vehicle transmission problems. Apparently my body can cope with that kind of stress. I'm so glad to be able to breathe clean air without fumes etc.... Now I'm VERY curious as to WHO this little girl will be. She already has a much better start in life than the other kids did. (just with air quality alone)
Now... If I could just hurry up and shake this dang cold I've been fighting. It moved down into my lungs and I've been coughing up a storm. Everyone else in the family seems to have had it and shaken it in about 3-4 days. I have been worried about having her while fighting this illness. I don't want to be coughing on my new baby.
So.... I got to thinking... what's different this time. Well.. biggest thing is we're in a different house. The old house made us sick. By the time we moved out I had daily problems: dizziness, muscle weakness, memory loss, all joints hurt, headaches, lack of oomph. Basically... I was falling into walls, I would be climbing up the stairs and my legs would give out and down I would fall, I had to write EVERYTHING down or I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do, I was popping pain meds like they were nothing, I just sat around and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It was VERY scary. I was wondering what was wrong with me.
Then we moved to the "new house". This house was infected with drugs and had to go through a HUGE and expensive process to be de-drugged before we could move in. We ran out of $ before we could get everything fixed / replaced. The process eats through metal so all metal items (hinges, door knobs, faucets, light fixtures etc..) need to be replaced. We got about 1/2 way. We're living with the yucky looking metal stuff where we couldn't afford to tare it out.
Anyway... within about 2 months of moving here I started to feel a little better. Less symptoms. It took about 9 months in total for me to be completely rid of all the bad symptoms and be "human" again. Hubby and his brother and brother's wife were over at the old house a few weeks ago. They ripped out the old furnace and air ducts as well as the old water heater (it leaked). The furnace was at least 18 years old and NEEDED to be replaced. They found about 1 1/2 - 2 inches of dust and junk in the air duct returns. They also found a mason jar with some green chrystals in it (mouse poison?). They also found a completely melted golf ball in a lower portion of the furnace (on the burners) - this section was sealed and we could not get to it until they were ripping it out. I had the air ducts "cleaned" out about a year after moving there. I felt like I got the flu and it never went away after moving in there. The "cleaning" made me feel a bit better but I never felt 100% better. We lived there a total of about 11 years.
When we first were in the old house we had to remove a few DeCon bait traps (green poison) from the air returns in the front room. We vacuumed out TONS of green mouse poos from the air ducts as well. LOTS of crayons etc... The house had been lived in for many years by some pretty big families despite it's small size. It was built in 1911 and has seen MANY people over the years.
So... we were breathing in the fumes from Mouse poos, DeCon, a melted golf ball, who knows what was in the mason jar, the enormous buildup of stuff in the ducts... on top of that was the carpet that WE put into the basement that laid directly under the leaky tub and absorbed all the dripping water from 11 years of baths/showers. It was nearly completely black with mold.
All of that I was exposed to while pregnant with all of our current 4 children. The twins were born premature at 29 weeks. Power Ranger was born premature at 35 weeks and also has a genetic disorder. Also, with him I was driving around a Jeep Cherokee that we "inherited" from hubby's brother who used drugs and allowed friends to do drugs in the vehicle with him. Despite all my cleaning when we first got it there was NO way to clean out the a/c system. Drugs like to stick to plastic (we found out a lot when getting this house de-drugged). Tinkerbell was the last born over there but we were using more (expensive to operate) space heaters and less of the house furnace. Hubby was "experimenting". Tinker was born "full term" the day I turned 37 weeks. She is the only child without any issues or problems right from the beginning. We were also no longer driving the Jeep when I got PG with her.
Needless to day... the old house is being made "better" so no one else has to live the lives we did. We're going forward as we can afford to. Trying to sell it but make sure it's healthy when it is sold.
So what's different and "allowing" me to go well into full term status with this pregnancy? Well... EVERYTHING!!! Granted I do have more stress this time with finances and my dad's cancer and vehicle transmission problems. Apparently my body can cope with that kind of stress. I'm so glad to be able to breathe clean air without fumes etc.... Now I'm VERY curious as to WHO this little girl will be. She already has a much better start in life than the other kids did. (just with air quality alone)
Now... If I could just hurry up and shake this dang cold I've been fighting. It moved down into my lungs and I've been coughing up a storm. Everyone else in the family seems to have had it and shaken it in about 3-4 days. I have been worried about having her while fighting this illness. I don't want to be coughing on my new baby.
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