visiting dad

Wow! I was totally not prepared to see my dad. I have talked to him on the phone and knew he was not "his old self". I knew he hasn't been eating much (cancer does that) .... but WOW! I just saw him in Feb. He looks sooooo different. Basically skin and bones. I think he's about 6'3" and use to weigh about 260lbs. We all guess he's about 180 now - maybe less. He still has strength in his arms to help us lift him and scooch him up in the bed. He is completely bed bound now. Fighting some evil looking bed sores. The good thing is he doesn't feel any pain when he's just laying there.

My brother said dad took a huge downturn about 2 weeks ago. He's expecting dad to not make it past this month. I'm thinking he'll make it into next month. Either way you look at it.. not much longer now.

We've all come to terms with losing dad. It will still be sad when he does go but I think we've all greived in our own ways at just the thought of dad not being here any more.

I got to say "I love you" to him last night. He held up his hand and I held his. He gave my hand a pretty good squeeze and said "I love you too". THAT is why I came. Dad has good days and bad days. He's "not home" most of the time. I found an open window in his constant fog and was able to say in person what I wanted him to hear. Then again... he's always known that I love him. After helping mom change his diaper this morning my kids all spontaneously gathered around him and said that they loved him. He was alert and able to respond. His smiles are worth a million bucks!

My husband should be joining us on Monday... just in time to help us drive back home on Tuesday. Our van is not behaving and I don't want to be stuck on some desert road by myself with 5 young children. He has been home and working this entire time. He flew back just a couple of hours after helping us drive here.

This is just a short update.. I gotta go now. I can hear dad coughing and I need to see if he needs anything. I hope you all are doing well.