No Regrets!!!

After reading another blog I got to thinking about regrets. I had to share this experience with you all....

Looking back on my life, I have a LOT of regrets from when I was a teenager. Before I met my husband I decided that I was tired of regrets. They can be very haunting images and feelings. One day I got brave and took a trip by myself to a tennis match I had been dying to see (well... it was a goof around and be silly match). (At the time I was really into tennis and I had a huge crush on both these guys).



I live daily with lots of anxiety so this was a HUGE step for me. I booked my flight, booked my rental car, bought the event ticket... all for ONE. I had a BLAST!!! Spent a ton of $ for not much but in reality it was a HUGE event (for me). This was the first time I had ever done something that I wanted to do without having anyone else there as a crutch.

I can't always afford to do what I really want but I try my best to "live without regrets". Now, if I'm offered an opportunity (no matter how it comes into my life) I ask myself "will I regret this if I do?? Will I regret this if I don't?"

I'm trying to live my life where I get to make the decisions... not my anxiety. There are times when anxiety wins out. It's a choice I make to not be medicated and I have to be willing to accept that there will be times when it wins out over my true desires.

LIVE WITHOUT REGRET!!!!

K turns 2!!!

My little peanut (monkey, princess, goofball) turned 2 last month!!! I can't believe it. Time flies soooo fast. This year's birthday theme was "Blues clues goes Hawaiian". I made a Blues Clues cake and bought a bunch of Hawaiian stuff at the local dollar store. Everyone had a good time.

This is the cake I made:

Stage 1 - the cakes cut out into Blue (it took 2 cakes. First cake was the head and one ear - second cake was the other ear. Left over cake was used for Strawberry Shortcake - YUM)



Stage 2 - starting to put on the frosting



Stage 3 - Almost done.



Stage 4 - Done! I was pretty impressed with myself since I was using sandwich ziploc bags (one burst at the seams) and those screw on tips you find that are for the canned frosting - I need to find / buy a new pro cake decorating kit).



Here is our birthday girl. Decked out in her Hula skirt. In this shot she is trying to poke the grass into an air cleaner that is just out of frame. She spent the rest of the evening flipping the skirt up and saying "weeee" or holding it up in front of her face (she was "hiding") and saying "Peek-a-Boo!" every time she parted the bunch of grass.



She LOVED that skirt. It is now long gone. That grass does not like being squished and the more she moved (and flipped it all over the place) the more it fell out. Our house looked like a barn strewn with straw. Before the cows and sheep started moving in we had to remove the skirt. It was fun while it lasted.

Christian the Lion

Another awesome video I had to share.



There are other videos you can go find with more pictures. This video cut it a bit short and what you didn't get to see was after their reunion the other lions in the pride also accepted these two guys. A female came up and started rubbing against their legs. What a sweet reunion.

The Dash

I just saw this poem / video. Makes you stop and think.

I'm doing pretty well with my dash.... But, I know I could do better.

http://www.dashpoemmovie.com/

Bummer

Miscarriages SUCK!!! I have just been "blessed" with #5 (in my lifetime I mean). I say "blessed" because everyone always says that they have been "blessed" when they get pregnant.... how is someone supposed to label a miscarriage? Cursed? I refuse to go there. I use to be a very sad pessimistic person... always saying "woe is me" "my life sucks because.... (put nearly anything here)". I have been working hard on being a more positive person.

My sweet husband is the only person who knew I was even pregnant. So, he is the only one I could talk with about this. I decided that my blog can know. Only those people who really care about me will read this so they are entitled to know. As far as I know I have an audience of 3 - my husband, my sweet friend Annette and her husband. All these people either know or will know very soon anyway.

On the positive side, I can get all the things farther done that needed to get done BEFORE getting pregnant.

Last night I got mad about this (I'm allowed) so I took it out on our elliptical machine. After burning 550 calories I felt the machine had been abused enough.

WARNING TMI: Miscarriages are kinda strange and creepy though. I am supposed to watch for what comes out to see if the "baby" comes out. (if it doesn't then it has to be surgically removed - been there, done that.... not fun). Today I saw a mass of stuff about the size of a quarter that could very likely have been the "baby". It's such an odd experience to see it then proceed to flush it like one does a dead goldfish. What else am I supposed to do with it? One day it's our future, someone who will change the footprint our family has in the world, someone who will bring lots of laughter as well as some tears to our home, someone to teach and watch their eyes sparkle when something amazing is discovered... then a few days later it's just a "dead goldfish". I know it sounds icky but it's what just happened.

I am ok about this though. I have my moments of being frustrated but I understand that these things happen for reasons. I would rather wait and have a healthy pregnancy and child then to force one to survive that shouldn't have.

So all my dreams of our future remain dreams. For now.

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P.S. To my dear sweet husband. THANK YOU for being so compassionate and helping me talk things through. You listen when I need to be heard. You are strong when I need a shoulder to cry on. You give me hope when it's hard to feel hopeful. Thank You!