Friends

I grew up with 2 brothers. This left me with 2 choices. I could either play "boy games" or I could keep to myself and do girlie stuff. Often times you could find me playing with matchbox cars, building cities out of wooden blocks or legos or slicing my finger (again) while trying to carve something with one of my dad's pocket knives.

Other times you would find me sitting on the floor of my bedroom with my babydoll pretending that I was a little mommy or dressing up my one barbie doll to go out on a hot date with no one since I did not have Ken (my mom didn't want me undressing a boy).

I learned early on to be happy being alone. You learn a lot about how you tick when you're alone. Through the years I found myself gravitating towards strong personality people. Why? Not sure. I think it has something to do with the fact that they can stand on their own two feet. They don't need a crutch to make it through a day.

So... here I am, in my mid 30's. Still feeling that I can "make it on my own". Friends are a nice icing on the cake. Not a necessary part of life. Then one comes along and proves me wrong. Time after time she has proved me wrong but I continue to forget that it's ok to need a friend.

I guess it all stems back from 2nd grade. I had a best friend. Regina. Small, cute Hispanic girl with a twinkle in her eye and a bounce in her step. Her short curly hair boinged when she walked. She befriended a tall awkward girl with the longest brown hair anyone had ever seen. We were quite the team. Every day was the best... until one day. She wanted to play "wedding day" and I wanted to play "apartment" (where we pretended to be 2 single girls living in the same apartment getting ready for a job, date etc... I know, boring to all you guys). That was the beginning of the end. For some reason I was now an outcast. I had grown another head and possibly a claw and a hunchback. I was the rejected one. She turned most of our small class against me with her sharp tounge and heartbreaking words. This is the first time anyone had ever so openly rejected me. I turned inward and never gave my heart to anyone in friendship until many years later.

That sweet friend (Denise) lives far away in Baltimore. We still talk but not enough. We do have a wonderful friendship though. We pickup right where we left off.. as if it has been a mear few days since our last conversation rather than months or years.

I've kept to myself (yes I have the gift to talk anyone's ear off if they let their guard down). It takes a really special person to pearce through this tough facade I have created. My dear sweet friend Annette does it with ease. I have said things to her in confidence that I never thought I would hear slip from my tounge. Yet, I find her so easy to talk with. She is the first person since Denise that I don't have to put on an act for. She takes me as I am... flaws and all. She expects no more from me than I am able to give. Sometimes she knows what I need even before I realize that I need it. I also hate to ask anyone for anything (I don't want to be a burden to anyone) and Annette knows just when to volunteer.

To my dear friends... THANK YOU!!!

(P.S. To Annette's Dear Sweet Wonderful husband... THANK YOU for letting me steal so much of her time. My time with your wife is better than any therapy session. LOL. She lifts my spirit and keeps me grounded at the same time. Thank you for not getting mad when she meant to be here for only an hour and it's after midnight and we're still gabbing away. Thank you.)