Yesterday my husband scared me more than I have been in a long time. He has something wrong with his health. Doc's still don't know what. Probably never will... but we'll keep pumping cash into their pockets so they can afford their cars/houses/vacations.
Anyway... He hit what I would consider rock bottom. When he's not doing well he can't work, can't watch or help with the kids, can't totally take care of himself... I seriously thought he would just cease to exhist out of simply giving up. I've heard stories about people "dying of a broken heart"... I wonder if someone can die from feeling soooo horrible they just don't want to go through another day like that again. Thank goodness we don't drink or do drugs or I know he would be dead from an overdose.
I said some very emotional prayers (out of a lack of knowing what else to do). Shortly after he was inspired to take some Essential Amino Acid pills and for whatever reason he mostly snapped out of his funk. The spark came back in his eyes and he looked human again.
I have never seen anyone struggle so hard for so long trying to figure out what's up without any success. You should see our kitchen cabinets. 2 shelves FULL of bottles of various "experiments" from the health food store. He has been trying to see if that item is what he is lacking etc... We also have 2 grocery bags FULL in our storage room of abandoned experiment herbs/pills etc...
He also has a stack at least an inch thick (poss more) of lab tests he's had over the years. He sits and compares results from years ago to now to see if anything is consistantly off.
Sorry about my bummer posts lately. I was just talking to hubby about my blog being such a downer lately. I don't get out much (take the kids to/from school, grocery store and church is all I get to do)... My days are very similar one day to the next. I promise I will try to be more upbeat and find more positives to talk about. This is my release of stress area. I have to be the backbone of the family so much and I need a place to vent or I think I will implode. I keep telling myself that life won't be like this forever. I just have to get through another day and tomorrow may be better..... if the past shows us the future, most likely it will be the same or worse.
It's alright.. as long as I keep having hope I can keep heading in a forward direction.
It also helps to have a good book to escape with... BTW.. Annette I'm to the part where Harry, Ron and Hermione are about to sneak past Hagrid's dog Fluffy and jump down into the dark unknown under the trap door. And... Thanks for thinking of us and acquiring the pullups at a discount. Much appreciated.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Friday, October 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
$ and Poor Health
I haven't updated any posts here because I don't like posting negative thoughts.... Well... that's all I have still to post about.
My husband has something wrong with his general health. We don't know what it is. It has caused him a LOT of problems since he was about 7 years old. When everything is working right he looks and acts like a "regular person". Nothing out of the ordinary. When he's having an "episode" all hell breaks loose. His body language is the first thing I notice. He gets a snarl, body tenses up, clenches fists, scowls, his eyes roll back and he has nystagmus (his eyes flip in a "W" as well as side to side), he can't focus on anything, gets cranky easy, can't drive, can't walk without running into something part of the time (runs into a lot of walls and doorways).
We and his parents have spent thousands on him over the years trying to get some doc to figure him out. I HATE DOCTORS!!!!! Time after time we go in (spending $150 -$200) for 10 minutes of THEIR time (after about an hour wait in their waiting room) and all they do is interrupt and say "you know a lot more about this than I do" "sorry I can't help you" "do you want some anti-depressants?" Don't you think THEY should PAY US??? If we're giving them new knowledge why are WE paying THEM?
We don't have health insurance (had to drop it years ago). Can't afford it. Because my husband's health is so crappy he works about part time. Lately his health has been sooooo bad that he's not working even that much. He has work to do (thank goodness) but he can't focus enough to get it done. I don't know enough about Final Cut or Adobe After Effects to do the projects for him - otherwise I would. Perhaps he needs to seriously teach me so I can do the projects for him when he gets like this. The company he mainly works for (freelance) is MONTHS behind in paying. He has to threaten them by holding footage hostage in order to get paid. Didn't use to be this way. We have to take being treated this way since no one else wants to hire hubby. He's SUPER talented (when he's sane) but he CAN'T make most deadlines. He has a great portfolio.
He can't take care of the kids when he's not feeling well. He can barely take care of himself. He has been getting noticeably WORSE recently. Only able to function a handful of days in a month's time. We think he is on to the solution to some of his health problems but we need more $ to do more testing. It's a double edged sword. We can't test without $ but we can't get $ because he's too sick to work.
In the meantime... utilities keep getting shut off. When they get turned back on we get hit with a turn back on fee. Late fees on our mortgage... as if being broke isn't hard enough as it is... they want more money where there is NONE. Believe me... I WOULD PAY ONTIME IF I HAD THE $$.
I sent a letter in to Dr. Oz on Oprah's website BEGGING Dr. Oz for help. I don't know if anything will come of it. My hubby is willing to share his illness with the nation if it means he gets to see a doc for free and get diagnosed finally. (If you know him you know what a HUGE deal that is - hubby has always kept his health problems as private as possible)
We're as broke as we can get... we're down to 2 diapers in the house and we have 3 kids still in diapers. Our baby has 1 diaper... and Tinkerbell and Power Ranger have to flip a coin on who gets the other one. I want to scream... cry.... give up.
Whenever we do get money it's GONE! We owe soo many people soo much $ and have soo many late fees on top of it we might get to look at the $ for a second before it gets sucked away.
I'm tired of being a liability.....
I started up a new clothing and stuff store on Zazzle last night... I'll get the link to it up soon. I'm going to make this blog public (I never wanted to do that) in hopes that my Zazzle site will get some attention (through advertising it here). I need a job that I can do from home. Can't babysit since I would not feel comfortable having someone else's child here when hubby is not doing well. (he gets cranky when over stimulated - noise etc.) I don't feel comfortable having him here alone for very long when he's having an episode. I'm not sure what he would do if left alone all the time. The Zazzle site would NOT bring in very much unless it suddenly became super popular (not likely) and even then... it would take forever to gain that kind of popularity. I'm just hoping for some sort of additional income.. somewhere.
We don't want handouts.. we want to work and earn what we bring in... desperately need hubby to get his health under control. Wish we could find the right project to fit hubby's ability to work and match his skills.
If anyone needed a miracle... we do ..... NOW!!! Thankfully Prayers are FREE!
UPDATE: Hubby was able to get one client to cough up a bit of $ from some work hubby completed about 4 or 5 years ago. Enough to buy those very needed diapers. YaY! Whew!!! This client is so stingy it's like getting blood from a rock.
My husband has something wrong with his general health. We don't know what it is. It has caused him a LOT of problems since he was about 7 years old. When everything is working right he looks and acts like a "regular person". Nothing out of the ordinary. When he's having an "episode" all hell breaks loose. His body language is the first thing I notice. He gets a snarl, body tenses up, clenches fists, scowls, his eyes roll back and he has nystagmus (his eyes flip in a "W" as well as side to side), he can't focus on anything, gets cranky easy, can't drive, can't walk without running into something part of the time (runs into a lot of walls and doorways).
We and his parents have spent thousands on him over the years trying to get some doc to figure him out. I HATE DOCTORS!!!!! Time after time we go in (spending $150 -$200) for 10 minutes of THEIR time (after about an hour wait in their waiting room) and all they do is interrupt and say "you know a lot more about this than I do" "sorry I can't help you" "do you want some anti-depressants?" Don't you think THEY should PAY US??? If we're giving them new knowledge why are WE paying THEM?
We don't have health insurance (had to drop it years ago). Can't afford it. Because my husband's health is so crappy he works about part time. Lately his health has been sooooo bad that he's not working even that much. He has work to do (thank goodness) but he can't focus enough to get it done. I don't know enough about Final Cut or Adobe After Effects to do the projects for him - otherwise I would. Perhaps he needs to seriously teach me so I can do the projects for him when he gets like this. The company he mainly works for (freelance) is MONTHS behind in paying. He has to threaten them by holding footage hostage in order to get paid. Didn't use to be this way. We have to take being treated this way since no one else wants to hire hubby. He's SUPER talented (when he's sane) but he CAN'T make most deadlines. He has a great portfolio.
He can't take care of the kids when he's not feeling well. He can barely take care of himself. He has been getting noticeably WORSE recently. Only able to function a handful of days in a month's time. We think he is on to the solution to some of his health problems but we need more $ to do more testing. It's a double edged sword. We can't test without $ but we can't get $ because he's too sick to work.
In the meantime... utilities keep getting shut off. When they get turned back on we get hit with a turn back on fee. Late fees on our mortgage... as if being broke isn't hard enough as it is... they want more money where there is NONE. Believe me... I WOULD PAY ONTIME IF I HAD THE $$.
I sent a letter in to Dr. Oz on Oprah's website BEGGING Dr. Oz for help. I don't know if anything will come of it. My hubby is willing to share his illness with the nation if it means he gets to see a doc for free and get diagnosed finally. (If you know him you know what a HUGE deal that is - hubby has always kept his health problems as private as possible)
We're as broke as we can get... we're down to 2 diapers in the house and we have 3 kids still in diapers. Our baby has 1 diaper... and Tinkerbell and Power Ranger have to flip a coin on who gets the other one. I want to scream... cry.... give up.
Whenever we do get money it's GONE! We owe soo many people soo much $ and have soo many late fees on top of it we might get to look at the $ for a second before it gets sucked away.
I'm tired of being a liability.....
I started up a new clothing and stuff store on Zazzle last night... I'll get the link to it up soon. I'm going to make this blog public (I never wanted to do that) in hopes that my Zazzle site will get some attention (through advertising it here). I need a job that I can do from home. Can't babysit since I would not feel comfortable having someone else's child here when hubby is not doing well. (he gets cranky when over stimulated - noise etc.) I don't feel comfortable having him here alone for very long when he's having an episode. I'm not sure what he would do if left alone all the time. The Zazzle site would NOT bring in very much unless it suddenly became super popular (not likely) and even then... it would take forever to gain that kind of popularity. I'm just hoping for some sort of additional income.. somewhere.
We don't want handouts.. we want to work and earn what we bring in... desperately need hubby to get his health under control. Wish we could find the right project to fit hubby's ability to work and match his skills.
If anyone needed a miracle... we do ..... NOW!!! Thankfully Prayers are FREE!
UPDATE: Hubby was able to get one client to cough up a bit of $ from some work hubby completed about 4 or 5 years ago. Enough to buy those very needed diapers. YaY! Whew!!! This client is so stingy it's like getting blood from a rock.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)