Perspectives

I've recently looked at pictures posted by family members who live far away. They're always pictures of them in exotic locations doing fun and different things. My first feeling is "Oh, I wish I could do that too." "I'll never have enough money to do something like that." Then I stop and think about things clearly. I realize that I am where I am the happiest.

Ok.... I don't have nearly enough money to make ends meet. We're financially in the toilet and it has nothing to do with overspending. Any money we get is spent on necessities, the kids, business needs etc. We don't vacation, rent movies, buy new clothes, go to the movies, eat out, spend money on extra activities for the kids. We do free stuff and get creative.

The family members I was referring to are not married... do not have children and spend all their money on themselves. They do what they want, when they want, yes, but they also don't have what I have. I have a husband who loves me. I know where our relationship stands - no guessing. This might be a bit odd to read but I know that we don't have any STD's. Don't have to worry about that path. I have 5 amazing children who are more entertaining than most tv shows. At the end of the day I get to kiss them all goodnight and hear them say they love me. I get to watch these little people grow into amazing grown-ups. I have the ability to pass on wisdom and insight that I wished I had while growing up. I can make someone's life less stressful and worrisome.

When the time comes, I get to be a grandmother. I get to watch my children raise their own families. I also won't have to be a super old grandma because we've had all of our children before I turn 40. I am leaving something (someone) in this world to hopefully pass on some bits of wisdom to others long after I'm gone.

Right now we have to put exotic vacations and the theatre, movies, fancy items on hold. We may never be able to afford any of that but I have the most important and amazing additions to my life that I could ever want. I am grateful for my husband and my children. I am truly blessed to have this life. I know this life is not for everyone. Some do not want children, do not want to be married. I would cease to be me if I did not. My family fills my life and enriches it beyond anything I could have imagined. I look forward to each day that I get to see the growth and development in everyone - even my husband and myself, not just the kids.

Having my family - I have been able to work through a lot of my anxiety. I'm co-teaching a small neighborhood preschool class. 10 years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone who said I would do this someday. I've been able to hold a real person to person conversation with an actor I had a huge crush on as a kid... and I didn't implode (although I thought I would any second). I've learned all about life under the sea with a sponge.... how to bend things like air, earth, fire and water.... I've learned that a little girl named Dora can really talk in a yelling voice for her entire life.... I've learned that with the help of clone's, Star Wars will never run out of sub plot lines. I am grateful for the person I have been shaped into as a wife and mother. I am so excited to see the talents and abilities I acquire in the years to come. None of this could have happened if I had stayed single.