Perspectives

I've recently looked at pictures posted by family members who live far away. They're always pictures of them in exotic locations doing fun and different things. My first feeling is "Oh, I wish I could do that too." "I'll never have enough money to do something like that." Then I stop and think about things clearly. I realize that I am where I am the happiest.

Ok.... I don't have nearly enough money to make ends meet. We're financially in the toilet and it has nothing to do with overspending. Any money we get is spent on necessities, the kids, business needs etc. We don't vacation, rent movies, buy new clothes, go to the movies, eat out, spend money on extra activities for the kids. We do free stuff and get creative.

The family members I was referring to are not married... do not have children and spend all their money on themselves. They do what they want, when they want, yes, but they also don't have what I have. I have a husband who loves me. I know where our relationship stands - no guessing. This might be a bit odd to read but I know that we don't have any STD's. Don't have to worry about that path. I have 5 amazing children who are more entertaining than most tv shows. At the end of the day I get to kiss them all goodnight and hear them say they love me. I get to watch these little people grow into amazing grown-ups. I have the ability to pass on wisdom and insight that I wished I had while growing up. I can make someone's life less stressful and worrisome.

When the time comes, I get to be a grandmother. I get to watch my children raise their own families. I also won't have to be a super old grandma because we've had all of our children before I turn 40. I am leaving something (someone) in this world to hopefully pass on some bits of wisdom to others long after I'm gone.

Right now we have to put exotic vacations and the theatre, movies, fancy items on hold. We may never be able to afford any of that but I have the most important and amazing additions to my life that I could ever want. I am grateful for my husband and my children. I am truly blessed to have this life. I know this life is not for everyone. Some do not want children, do not want to be married. I would cease to be me if I did not. My family fills my life and enriches it beyond anything I could have imagined. I look forward to each day that I get to see the growth and development in everyone - even my husband and myself, not just the kids.

Having my family - I have been able to work through a lot of my anxiety. I'm co-teaching a small neighborhood preschool class. 10 years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone who said I would do this someday. I've been able to hold a real person to person conversation with an actor I had a huge crush on as a kid... and I didn't implode (although I thought I would any second). I've learned all about life under the sea with a sponge.... how to bend things like air, earth, fire and water.... I've learned that a little girl named Dora can really talk in a yelling voice for her entire life.... I've learned that with the help of clone's, Star Wars will never run out of sub plot lines. I am grateful for the person I have been shaped into as a wife and mother. I am so excited to see the talents and abilities I acquire in the years to come. None of this could have happened if I had stayed single.

Happy 4th Birthday "Tinker Bell"

Yup! Another birthday! This time it's Tinker Bell's turn. She gets to be a BIG 4 year old!! WOOT!!

Here's a short trip through her life:

Birth ~


1 Year Old ~


2 Year Old ~


3 Year Old ~


4 Year Old ~
I asked her to go stand "there" and pose for a picture. She gave me this (and more)....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TINKER BELL!!!
You sure are a fun daughter!

Quindecennial Anniversary

Quindecennial

What is that huge word you ask?

15 amazing, crazy, silly, artistic, photographic, stressful, fun, happy, sad, euphoric, creative, healthy, sick, quick, eventful, boring, exhaustive, rejuvenating, educating, blessed, loving, awesome years together!!!!

(and... he still thinks it's funny to pinch my bum while taking a picture)

HAPPY 15th ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

Sharing

Sharing...

–verb (used with object)
3. to divide and distribute in shares; apportion.
4. to use, participate in, enjoy, receive, etc.,

–verb (used without object)
5. to have a share or part; take part (often fol. by in).
6. to divide, apportion, or receive equally.

Sharing is generally a good thing. As children we are taught to share our toys. We are told to share our food, a seat, a table. As adults we hope others will share the wealth, share the love, and get our fair share.

There are times when sharing is not appropriate.
- Sharing answers for a test.
- Sharing the blame when only one person is guilty.
- Taking a share of credit for work that you did not do.
- Sharing your ABC gum
- Sharing your opinion at inappropriate times




My 3 year old LOVES to share.
She is doing her best to share every cough and sneeze her little body can produce.

Thus far she has sucessfully shared with her older brother.

Let's see if he knows how to share like she does.

Twas the night before Christmas...

Christmas Eve Checklist:
1. 3 year old screaming (check)
2. 9 year olds excited and asking to stay up to meet Santa (check)
3. 7 year old super excited about Santa one min then cranky the next (check)
4. Baby sleeping peacefully (check)
5. A full day of Christmas programming on TV (check)
6. Parents at the end of their ropes (check)
7. Broken water pipe shut off at old house (check)
8. Kitchen a disaster (check)
9. Baths done (check)
10. 3 year old tickled to alter personality to laughter (check)
11. Presents wraped (mostly... but still not done)
12. Stockings hung ( )
13. Sanity found ( )
14. Christmas cookies made to hand out to friends ( )
15. New Christmas stockings made ( )
16. Rest and relax ( )

Facebook dilemma

I recently joined the ranks of Facebook. I never thought I would. I thought I would never have a facebook, myspace or twitter account. I thought they were pointless.... then again... I thought online blogging was pointless. Here I am still nearly 2 years later. I caved and joined facebook simply so I could follow the changes in family size some friends of ours were going through.

Our friends were blessed with the ability to adopt their first child. A beautiful little boy. I was frustrated at the slow rate at which my husband followed their story so I decided to take action... I would join Facebook so I could follow them at my pace (a bit more obsessive than my husband's casual one).

At first the only friends on my list were these friends and my husband. Then I noticed several people asking to be added as my friend (various family members). I thought... wow.... this facebook thing can be pretty cool. I can keep tabs on friends and family without having to necessarily contact them directly. (by reading their occasional posts about themselves on their walls)

I don't have nearly the volume of friends that most people on there seem to have. I'm fine with that. Actually I'm pretty amazed that I have as many as I do. I've felt pretty secluded the past 10 years. (the twins are 9 1/2 years old now)

Here's some of my delimma.... as I see familiar people on facebook I think to myself... "do I send them a friend request?" "Do they remember me?" "Do they care about me enough to say yes?" "Do I care about them that much anymore to want them on my friend list?" The questions go on and on..

I have noticed something interesting though. Everyone I have in my friend list is someone I have met since meeting my husband. With an exception of 1 former roommate and a few of my family members that is.

I have often wondered what people from my teen years are doing now. Friends from church, school.. friends I use to hang out with on weekends... friends who have moved far away..... friends who stayed where I last saw them.... There are several on facebook. I've looked them up. They're there.

The BIG delimma... Do I send them a friend invite or just keep going forward with my life not looking back?

I don't know why there is such a huge division between then and now. Why is it such a big deal? I think - perhaps - it has something to do with WHO I was then and WHO I am now.

I've always dealt with anxiety. I had NO CLUE I had an anxiety/panic attack disorder until a few years into my marriage. Now that I know what it is I'm dealing with I can deal with anxiety situations better. I feel that I like myself better now. I am more in control (to some extent). I still freak out from time to time. At least now I know why and that I'm allowed to feel freaked out and that it will calm down shortly.

The people from my past.... from Arizona basically... knew me before I understood what was giving me so much trouble. I acted strange at times and no one knew why (not even me). I never went to church dances.. never dated.. WANTED to but never did. Don't know how much of not ever being asked out was due to my anxiety and how much had to do with my height. I hit 6' in high school. (FYI I'm 6'1" now). I had one guy (taller than me by a couple of inches) once tell me I was intimidating. I personally don't get that one. My anxiety made me so shy and stand-offish that I don't see how anyone could be intimidated by me.

So... the delimma..... to invite my PAST into my present? I don't know what to do.