It's been a while

It feels like I blink and another month passes. I have been extremely busy lately. I will post some updates when I have some breathing room.

In the meantime.... I leave you with this cute kitten...

Disabling the disabled

I have to get on my soapbox for a moment.

I have a brother who is deaf. He's older than me by a year. He communicates 100% through sign language. He does have some limitations due to lack of understanding abstract things. He wasn't born deaf. He was born 3 months premature and acquired an infection that nearly took his life. The medicine to save his life is what took his hearing. Perhaps the prematurity or the medicine or the infection played into his ability to understand or not understand things. Don't know. Anyway...

My brother has a HUGE heart. He genuinely cares about people. He always wants to help. It makes him feel good about himself. When he works he works hard. He will do whatever job is placed before him if it is within his ability to perform. In the past he worked for a trucking company. He helped the guys who repaired the trucks and trailers that came in damaged (accidents etc..). He pretty much kept the shop in order and brought equipment to the guys when they needed something. . . .

My brother is single. He's super shy.. no... make that SUPER SHY when it comes to girls. He likes girls but has absolutely no clue how to go about being a friend to one let alone actually date one.

One day... Valentines Day... he bought a teddy bear and some candy for a girl.... who worked at the same company.... He put the gifts on her car in the parking lot... She went out and saw them.. freaked out and my brother got fired for... get this ... Sexual Harassment. He received unemployment payments and was sued and forced to return the money do to the "conditions" he was fired.

Fast forward to ... oh.. this week. He's been working at a couple of car dealerships in Phoenix. He cleans up the cars and gets them ready for customers when they are purchased. He moves the cars around the lot whenever needed. About a year ago the dealership went bankrupt and was bought out by another company out of Florida. Everyone basically was fired and re-hired by the new company when the change over happened. Restarted all the vacation time, health coverage (aka - no one had any for 3 months) etc.. The dealership said that they really like my brother. Said he was a nice and hard working guy but they just didn't have a lot of work for him at that dealership. Rather than firing him they sent him to work at a sister-dealership in a neighboring city (Scottsdale). He worked there for a couple of weeks then they passed him back to the first location (same lame excuse). He was batted back and forth for several weeks. No one wanting to give him work but no one willing to fire him so he could look for a new job (they would have to pay unemployment to him if they out right fired him).

. . . . Well, it was one of the times he was working at the dealership in Scottsdale that he was in the parking lot heading for his car to go home. He saw a co-worker from the dealership in the parking lot... a GIRL . . . He waved "bye" to her and got in his car to head home. Tuesday (his day off work) my mom gets a phone call from his boss saying that he has been fired because he violated some company code. Turns out another claim of "sexual harassment". The girl claims that he followed her to her house. My brother says that all he did was wave to her, that he never went to her house. They both had to travel the same path to the same highway. If they both left the dealership at the same time it would appear that he might be following her when in fact he was simply going to the same highway.

My mom has decided to not fight this. My brother communicates 100% through sign language. He can get by at work with people acting out what they want him to do. When someone is saying "I'm not interested in dating you... please leave me alone" they don't usually have an interpreter in their hip pocket. Both times no one went through an interpreter to explain the situation to him. He was just told "you're fired" after he did something he didn't know was wrong.

Makes me want to scream!!!!

What is wrong with some people?!?! If he had been let go when there wasn't anything for him to do he could have been compensated while he looked for a new job. Instead they have to play ping-pong with him until he is nearly forced to quit... or they can fire him for something stupid.

I use to work at a grape vineyard where I was the only young white girl within a 20 mile radius. I was in a minority of those who spoke English even though this was in Arizona. Numerous times while working there I was not just asked out but given a description of what the guy wanted to do with me on this "date". I never screamed Sexual Harassment because I knew these people were here because they needed a job... and I knew that if things REALLY got bad I had a "protector" on the property I could go talk to if necessary. No one ever touched me... it was all talk.

I don't understand why these girls freak out when my brother acts nice to them. I know he can't communicate with them in the same language... that doesn't mean they need to get him fired for him buying them a teddy bear and candy ... or simply waving good bye at the end of the day. Geesh!!!!

Hopefully he will be starting a new job at a place where they have several deaf people working there and are in the process of hiring 3 more this next week. I can't wait to hear the good news. If he really gets the job it will be the first time will have worked at a place where there are others there just like him.

I love my brother and his big soft heart. I hope that some day he can meet someone who will appreciate it and not take advantage of him.

Speed Bump

Well... Things don't always go as we plan. Would it be weird to hold a funeral for a piece of exercise equipment?

Tonight, while getting in my workout on the elliptical machine, it started making a very loud bump noise every time the wheel (in the back) was at the bottom of the rotation. I tried to baby it along while attempting to get some exercise... in the end it died anyway. It looked like it spilled its guts out on the floor. My husband has yet to open it up all the way, but looking through the part that fell off he believes that the rear axle broke. If we can fix it ourselves we can keep using it. If we can't fix it, we are out of an awesome exercise machine. We certainly can't afford a new one... doubt we can afford to get this one fixed (even doing it ourselves). We bought it Valentines Day 2008. We have used it a TON. So sad.

Can we please have a moment of silence for my favorite torture device?

Thank you. . .

Shhhh don't tell my fat cells that the machine is dead. They might hear you. I want to keep them on edge.

Countdown to 40

Today is Saturday October 8th. Lately I have had a LOT on my mind. In 41 days I will be 40.

I've always had goals in my mind that I would achieve by the time that date arrived:

1 - Be done having kids.
2 - Get my body back into the best shape possible.
3 - Be doing what I want to do for the rest of my life (job wise)
4 - Be financially stable and able to start having fun.

There are others but they are more "bucket list" type things. Not necessarily things that had to happen by a specific date.

How am I doing on my goals?
1 - As far as I know we're done. Feels right. I always wanted 1 more but finances and health have put up some major road blocks preventing any more additions to our family.

2 - Working HARD on this one. I've lost 25 pounds this year so far. I have been on a plateau for the past 2 weeks but have been hitting new all time lows again this week. How am I doing it? Big one is using the "livestrong.com" website helped me be MUCH more aware of calorie intake. I find that it's not hard for me to live on 900 - 1,500 calories a day. Sometimes I get majorly hungry and I eat but just watch portion sizes. Eating small amounts more frequently. I drink a large glass of water (my tumbler cups can hold 16oz or more of water) about 10 min before I eat. I feel full MUCH faster than when I forget to do this. I also have been using our elliptical machine for at least 1 hour 3 days a week. I'm going to be charting my progress on another post.

3 - This is still sort-of on hold due to the fact that I still have a 2 year old at home. I want to get back into the film industry. I LOVE the type of personalities film draws. Everyone is super creative and slightly crazy... or is it slightly creative and super crazy? I've recently helped out with rotoscoping on some of my husband's film projects. I miss being on set though. The "hurry up and wait" environment. I also love photography. I'm saving up for a Canon 5D (my current dream camera). It will be a LONG time time before that goal is met but I have to have something to aim for.

4 - This goal is the one impacting 2 of the 3 goals above. Our finances have been hit so hard lately that my hands are severely tied. We're squeaking by only with help. I have become a genius at feeding and taking care of a family of 7 on what we bring in every month. I should have a master's degree in frugality by now.

At the moment... The one goal that I can have the biggest influence on is #2 - my fitness level. I will be posting updates on that progress in another section of this blog. I'm pretty motivated and excited.

Update at last . . .

I find myself so wrapped up in the little here and there posts on facebook that I have all but forgotten my precious blog. My blog... where I get to project a little bit more of "me" than is possible on FB.

While our lives continue to be plagued with financial stress - actually more so than I ever thought I would ever be able to endure - I do have some happy-ish developments. Since I quit nursing my daughter, my body is finally releasing much of the weight that has been my heavy companion all these years. I have lost more than what I gained with the last pregnancy. I think the last time I was this weight was around 2004 ( between "Power Ranger" and "Tinker Bell"). I've dropped about 20 pounds in the past 2 months. I should be ecstatic... why would I call this "happy-ish" developments? Well, I have noticed a sudden recurrence of symptoms I had when we left our last house. It made me sick... VERY sick. I have recently found myself stuttering, losing muscle strength for a few seconds, headaches, extreme exhaustion, fatigue, confusion, disorientation, lack of desire to do anything etc... Our old house suffered from mold. I was having major neurological problems towards the end. It was during an extended vacation (11 + days) that I realized that my symptoms were lightening up (while away from home). About a month after moving to this "new" house I began to feel human once again. Why are my symptoms suddenly returning now? While laying on the sofa, holding my head and covering my ears in an attempt to calm the rising throbbing pain in my head the thought hit me.... I'm losing fat.... the same fat that has encased and protected me from the toxins that made me ill for all those years. The fat was now being used to give me energy but it was also releasing my greatest enemy.

I am more determined to push onward and lose the remainder of the weight. In 20 more pounds I would be at my goal - what I weighed at my wedding... the same I weighed in high school. Hopefully I can lose all the nasty toxins that are stored within the fat that remains. This is a side effect I was unaware to be on the look out for.

--------

4 out of my 5 kids are now in school. This is the last year that everyone will be in elementary school. Next year the twins move on to Jr. High. Time is just flying by faster and faster. I don't want to miss anything. I really enjoy these kids.

I need to count up just how much reading I did over the summer. It was quite an impressive amount.
5 out of the 6 books in the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel series. 2,142 pages
Catching Fire and Mockingjay (hunger games series) 781 pages
Beyonders (Mull) 454 pages
Twilight series (4 books) 2,446 pages (read series in 2 1/2 weeks)
Candy Shop War (Mull) 409 pages
The Last Olympian (Riordan) 381 pages

These are all I can remember reading. There might have been others.
14 Books - 6,613 pages
All this from a girl who barely cracked open a book throughout all of high school and college. I guess I'm using reading as my escape from life. It never fails to crack me up... I went from cringing from the tiniest of books to purposefully seeking out those with the fattest spines so I have a lot to read. I picked the Inkheart series based on the InkDeath book - 683 pages.

Jodi Benson - Ariel - Little Mermaid

I love to see who does the voices behind some of my favorite cartoon charters. Here is a little treat for you. This is a video of Jodi Benson singing "Part of your World". She does the voice of Ariel in Disney's "The Little Mermaid".




Here is a video of the original recording for the movie (in studio).

The Ultimate "Potty Dance"

Teaching old dogs to like new tricks

Ok.... I have to admit. I am very slow to warm up to new technology. I wait until something has been around a few years before I reluctantly join the throng. For example: When CD's first came on the scene. My brother came home after listening to a new tech thing called a Compact Disc on a friend's new stereo system. He raved on and on about how clear the sound was. He could even hear the singer take a breath. How cool is that? He showed me what they look like. My thought was, "It'll never last. I like my tapes." HA!

When the internet fist came on the scene... I thought it was a waste of time. Granted... there wasn't much to do at first. All you could do was write TONS of text. Computers that could display pictures hadn't been invented yet. My friend got me into something called "Telnetting". I did it at the local college where I was going at the time and everything was ok. Then I went out of state to a large university. I continued to stay in contact with my friends in our little telnet world. During one of my sessions one of the watch dogs from campus came barging into the room and demanded to know who was wasting computer lab time telnetting... claimed it was against the rules and proceeded to stare at everyone's screens. I was the "evil one" and he didn't see it for some reason. Needless to say, he scared me to death and I never joined my friends back home in our little self made haven again.

Jump about 5 years later and my 16 year old sister-in-law was living with us. She had homework to do and needed to access the internet to do so. At this point the only stories I had heard about the internet were all about viruses. I was terrified to venture into that unknown realm. The only virus I knew about were the kind that made you have a fever, major body aches and you just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide until further notice. I heard all about how the internet viruses took over your computer, hackers stole everything on your computer and left you with nothing but a burning blank harddrive. I couldn't see any use for the internet.

So.... About 2 years ago I was introduced to a thing called Facebook. I had already seen something called "Myspace". I thought it was ugly and very hard to read. It listed TONS of nonsense personal information that I didn't want to know about others and I didn't want others to know about me. I never signed up. So a friend is showing me his facebook "wall". Don't know why they call it a wall but there it is. I thought it was a jumbled mess and I didn't know how he could tell who was saying what. Why would anyone want to have that much information coming at them all day.

So... now I have my own Facebook account. I was a little shy to let anyone know I was there at first. I did not put my maiden name on because "that was then and this is now". I hooked up with a bunch of my current local friends and family. I started to get into the whole facebook family thing. One day I wondered what would happen if I put in my maiden name. I was immediately found by a few people from church when I was a kid (granted I had just seen several of them a few months earlier at my dad's funeral. I was fresh in their minds and easy to find). Then I added my high school and -BAM! A few more long lost friends added to my current world. It's strange to combine my life "back then" to my life today. It's really neat to see how my old friends are doing. I get to see who they settled down with and how cute their kids are. It's also fun to see how their personalities panned out as an adult and what type of job they have chosen.

Thanks to Facebook I have been able to hook up with people I have been eager to see how they're doing but did not know how to contact them. I already have plans to make cookies with a former roommate and meet a sister-like friend at a favorite book author's latest book release in a few months. I can't wait!!!

I'm a stay at home mom. I help out my husband with his job where and when I can. I recently gained some basic skills in roto and keying with Primatte on a very labor intensive film FX project. I live in the dungeon of the Tardis. I don't get out and meet very many people. My world consists mainly of people at church, my kid's school teachers, the moms in my daughter's neighborhood preschool group and the bill collectors who seem to like calling us when they want something. Because of Facebook I now have some friends from when I was a teenager, when I was single and in college and a few others I have met along the way.

My world has been opened up because of technology that I was reluctant to grab onto at first introduction. I can't live without my internet now. The medical research my husband and I have been able to do alone make it worth every penny. I love to price shop online before I go out and buy something. Saving me traveling time and money. I print out my coupons, read product reviews (to avoid lemons) and catch up on the lives of family and friends... all while wearing my pj's if I want. I now use the internet to slowly earn a little extra cash (watching ads etc..) so I can afford a few extra's that I would otherwise not be able to ever purchase (Wii).

I don't know if I will ever change. I think I will always drag my feet. I am usually glad I did make the change after it's done. I'm both scared and excited to see what's around the next corner.

For those of you who missed it.....

This . . . .

http://teachinfourth.blogspot.com/2010/05/contest-entrants.html



Turned into this . . . .

http://teachinfourth.blogspot.com/2010/10/autumn-shoot-3-and-feature.html



Interested in seeing some more of the picts... click on the link above. You can also check out (the photographer) Jason's awesome photo website here: http://www.alongthebackroads.com/

This is funny - freaky

I've known girls in the past who fit this profile. Most of them were from when I was in the dorms. Freshmen..... Uber-Eager.

LOL - Enjoy!!

My heart aches

I co-teach a neighborhood preschool twice a week on rotating months. It's a small fun group of kids. I have noticed some pretty major improvements in several of the kids already. Not only are the kids learning their alphabets (reading and writing) but they are learning quite a bit about being social. Taking turns and realizing that the world simply does NOT revolve around them are some of the biggest things I've noticed they need to learn and have improved the most on. It's so much fun to see them succeed.

At the same time... they can also be the most frustrating. They each have their whiny days. Days they just don't want to follow the rules anymore. Today was my daughter's turn to hang on to my leg and be very independent from what everyone else is doing.

My teaching partner (Lori) mentioned how she doesn't know how regular school teachers "do it". Half the kids followed the directions and are done and ready to move on to the next thing while the rest of the class is either just slower than the rest or didn't hear the instructions and need some extra help. This makes our co-teaching situation really nice. She takes on the kids who are ready to move on and I stay behind and help the stragglers. Everyone gets what they need and the day moves quite smoothly.

Today we also noticed something interesting. Something that made my heart both happy and ache at the same time. One of the little girls in the group has a father who is in the military. He's gone a LOT for extended periods of time. Normally she is very quiet. Doesn't talk up very often. She tends to just simply move with the flow of children without standing out at all. I thought some of her shyness was due to a language barrier. Her family speaks another language at home most of the time. She frequently misses class time because she just didn't want to go that day. Her daddy was able to come home this week. She has become a TOTALLY different little girl. She is happy, singing, talking, interacting with everyone. She looked so bubbly and involved with life. Not shy at all. Her daddy brought her to school this morning and she was BEAMING. On a few occasions today I was a bit annoyed with how loud the group had become and I looked up to see who was the loudest to try to get some control on the volume.... I was surprised to find it was this little girl's singing that was the center of the voices.

I've always known that families of military people suffered from the extended periods of separation. I have never seen such a young child up close who is having to cope with life without a parent. I've known a lot of people who grew up with a military parent. They were all teenagers or older before I met them. My dad was in the military but he was stationed at the local AFB. He lived at home and drove to work. He was never stationed elsewhere.

I wish there was something I could do to help her be this same bubbly and happy little girl when her daddy is away. I know she feels more safe and complete when their family is whole. My heart aches for these little children who have to grow up in an imperfect world. I can now better understand the sacrifice that the military men and women make when they offer their lives in service for their country. Thank You to those serving as well as to their spouses and children. What an incredibly HUGE sacrifice you ALL make.

Sorry

I know I've been off the board for quite a while. Sometimes I get so wrapped up into my Facebook account that I forget about this one. We've been swamped being a family lately. My husband and I burned the midnight oil many nights making the twins their Halloween costumes. Then again the next week when they had big school projects due. They both decided to do 3D sculptures and we had to help (make them strong enough to not collapse etc..).

I'm about to go make some more bread. More because I have to and less because I want to. When finances get tight I make everything from scratch. I LOVE eating REAL food - not some store bought reheat or fast food. Home made food just tastes better. BUT - I do get tired of cooking EVERYTHING all the time. I would love a break. We also have family food issues (things that can't be eaten etc..). I have to be picky about what we eat / where we eat (when we can go out).

Well.. I'm off to do life some more. The bread doesn't assemble itself.

YOU can make a HUGE difference in my life!!!

Ok, if you've read any of my blog over the years you may have read about how hard life is at my house. Between my husband and children's health problems and our severe lack of income, etc.. We have been at the greatest financial LOW of our married lives - "living" on less than what most of you pay for a single mortgage payment.

Well, if you have ever wanted to make a real difference to someone... NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. See, our current client is raising money to fund the project we are slaving on. If they don't have the money... we can't get paid for the months of work already invested. Read the column on the right at their website to see what kind of "thank you" gifts you can receive for your donation.

HERE IS THE OFFICIAL LINK:
http://kck.st/cEICm8

Some of the items you can receive:
- a FREE copy of the movie
- tickets to the private cast/crew screening
- Autographed poster
- Your name in the film's credits listed as an "Associate Producer"
- The opportunity to have "a member of the creative/executive team will travel to your town to present a special advance screening of "Jonah" in your home or other arranged venue for your invited guest list."

You can do two things at once! Help out a great film project and help us get paid for our efforts! Please SPREAD THE WORD!!! Even if all you can donate is $1. It all adds up!!!

Rain

This totally awesome video is for my friends who love a good rain storm. The next time you have one of those dang bright and sunny days... where not a single cloud limps across the sky... invite a few friends over and make your own storm.

Enjoy!

Modesty

Interesting video on modesty.

Reality Sucks

I'm spending some time nurturing my relationship with my computer because reality sucks. Right now I'm getting about as much warmth and feedback from my computer as life is giving me. (Please take notice that I have 0 comments on my blog - FB is not much better).

My computer doesn't ignore me. It will pop up a fun and stimulating game if that's what I want. It will just sit here and listen to me without contradiction as I droll on and on about whatever is ailing me. It helps me take mediocre and bad photos into beautiful masterpieces when I want. It even helps me look smarter than I really am by correcting my spelling.

Not sure if I'm heading to a world of fun and games or turning away to get yelled at or ignored by kids. Husband... what's that? I seem to be married to a guy I talk to over the phone. I don't know who the guy is stomping around upstairs.

Perspectives

I've recently looked at pictures posted by family members who live far away. They're always pictures of them in exotic locations doing fun and different things. My first feeling is "Oh, I wish I could do that too." "I'll never have enough money to do something like that." Then I stop and think about things clearly. I realize that I am where I am the happiest.

Ok.... I don't have nearly enough money to make ends meet. We're financially in the toilet and it has nothing to do with overspending. Any money we get is spent on necessities, the kids, business needs etc. We don't vacation, rent movies, buy new clothes, go to the movies, eat out, spend money on extra activities for the kids. We do free stuff and get creative.

The family members I was referring to are not married... do not have children and spend all their money on themselves. They do what they want, when they want, yes, but they also don't have what I have. I have a husband who loves me. I know where our relationship stands - no guessing. This might be a bit odd to read but I know that we don't have any STD's. Don't have to worry about that path. I have 5 amazing children who are more entertaining than most tv shows. At the end of the day I get to kiss them all goodnight and hear them say they love me. I get to watch these little people grow into amazing grown-ups. I have the ability to pass on wisdom and insight that I wished I had while growing up. I can make someone's life less stressful and worrisome.

When the time comes, I get to be a grandmother. I get to watch my children raise their own families. I also won't have to be a super old grandma because we've had all of our children before I turn 40. I am leaving something (someone) in this world to hopefully pass on some bits of wisdom to others long after I'm gone.

Right now we have to put exotic vacations and the theatre, movies, fancy items on hold. We may never be able to afford any of that but I have the most important and amazing additions to my life that I could ever want. I am grateful for my husband and my children. I am truly blessed to have this life. I know this life is not for everyone. Some do not want children, do not want to be married. I would cease to be me if I did not. My family fills my life and enriches it beyond anything I could have imagined. I look forward to each day that I get to see the growth and development in everyone - even my husband and myself, not just the kids.

Having my family - I have been able to work through a lot of my anxiety. I'm co-teaching a small neighborhood preschool class. 10 years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone who said I would do this someday. I've been able to hold a real person to person conversation with an actor I had a huge crush on as a kid... and I didn't implode (although I thought I would any second). I've learned all about life under the sea with a sponge.... how to bend things like air, earth, fire and water.... I've learned that a little girl named Dora can really talk in a yelling voice for her entire life.... I've learned that with the help of clone's, Star Wars will never run out of sub plot lines. I am grateful for the person I have been shaped into as a wife and mother. I am so excited to see the talents and abilities I acquire in the years to come. None of this could have happened if I had stayed single.

The Mum Song

This is all the phrases a mom says in a 24 hour period of time condensed down to 2 1/2 minutes.

We need to do something different

I have the best husband in the world. He's kind, playful, smart, clever, fun, loving and handsome. He has helped me to become a much better person. He "gets me". He has helped me to deal with my anxiety disorder. He has a very good heart and wants to help out others. He's a very talented artist. He listens to people and helps come up with solutions. He's the person I want to grow old with. Women often times say they want to curl up with a good book... I want to curl up with my husband. LOL.

But, Not everything is sunshine and roses. . . .

My husband's lifelong illness has always been a problem. It springs up at random times. He'll be doing great one minute then the next he'll be "out of commission". He can't be a husband or father during these "episodes". He can't help watch the kids so I can work, he can't be left alone because he makes irrational decisions sometimes when he doesn't feel well. I honestly don't know what to do. I can't be in 2 places at once.

He's self employed. No one will hire him as an employee (so he says) because his health is so random. I've watched this man go from strong, smart, clever, lively, flirtatious, and simply totally awesome to the complete opposite. It's quite scary to watch the first 100 times. Then... I've learned to look the other way. I HATE whatever it is that takes him away from me. His eyes look dead - lifeless during these periods of time. It's scary to look at. Other times he looks like he just killed someone. Thankfully he has a very gentle spirit inside this messed up body. He simply balls up and hides in the bedroom.

He's been to nearly every type of doctor trying to get this figured out. Ophthalmologists, Neurologists, General Practitioners, Homeopaths, Naturepaths, Gastrointerologists, Endocrinologists. He's had tests done from as simple as a finger stick to the expensive CT and MRI. He's been doped up on things from anti-depressants to IV chelation all with their own set of glorious side effects. He's been on crazy diets trying to isolate foods he eats. He's eaten no wheat, no dairy, no protein, no nuts, no fat to all protein, all fat, all nuts, all vegetarian. Next on the list is a genetic metabolic specialist. IF he gets accepted by the doctor (Doc has to approve all his patients) and IF we can afford him. See, all the things listed here cost money. Money that he can't earn when he's not doing well. Money that we simply don't have.

Think of that brand new pair of shoes you bought your kids for school to start. It would take several pairs of shoes to pay for just 1 lab. Think of that brand new back pack, pants, shirt, school supplies..... we didn't buy any this year. It all went to our local health food store buying supplements to find SOMETHING that will help. The money you spent on your last date with your significant other.... that went to one of many late fees we have from bills we can't afford to pay.

I'm only writing here because I'm sooooo frustrated. I need to blow off some steam and get this out of my system. I feel like I'm going to explode or simply die from a heart attack. It's about 3:30pm and we've had our water turned off today. Again... Tomorrow they will turn off our power if we don't pay. Our Gas should be shut off in the next day or two. Our mortgage is late... again! I need to get to the grocery store and get some bare essentials with the money we don't have. I wish I could find a job working at home so I could take care of everyone and earn something to pay our bills with.

It's so hard to see a glimpse of the person/life I could have if we can just get his illness figured out only to have the door slammed in my face. I'm grateful for these small windows. I may only get to see him at his best for an hour once a week or so but it's what keeps me going. Since he CAN achieve this state of "normal" I know it can be acquired LONG TERM. IF we can get him figured out.

He has recently discovered that taking 2 simple supplements can help keep him "normal" for EXACTLY 3 hours. Then he crashes again. I don't know how long this new system of supplements will work. Typically changes only work for about 2 or 3 days. We're at about a week now. Don't think bad of me if I don't hold my breath this time and throw a "he's cured" party. Cautiously optimistic.

Oh Kid!!

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook page. I think it totally applies to kids in general... and mine specifically. LOL!!!

If you're just a little exhausted at the end of this... you have the idea of what being a parent is all about. Now times this by the number of kids and BINGO!